Maybe it's the weather, or the stress of a long stretch of too much work, but my temper has really been short at home lately. Ask my kids, and they will tell you how crabby I've been. Then I wonder how much damage I'm doing by just losing it. Now we are just loud, all three of us. I have trained them to be loud.
In the midst of it, though, has come strange grace as Maia learned to sew buttons on scrap pieces of fabric and James proudly made basket after basket at basketball camp. They are really smart kids. perhaps that's part of the problem - I don't help them plan enough of their days, and then they go a little nuts and so do I, in a different way.
I prayed. Then today on my bikeride, a family from our church was outside in their drive. Mom and her two preschoolers played in a small plastic pool. Splashing and pouring and throwing water, they were all getting blessedly wet in the hot, humid afternoon. Mom. Playing with them. God shone a light on them, highlighting that particular parenting model so clearly it almost blinded me.
What a concept. Playing with the kids. Interaction. This is not me. I'm always in my own world, following my own agenda, self-centered to the core. Tomorrow (at least until I have to work in the afternoon), we are going to 1. buy fabric squares so Maia can sew 2. Play with bubbles 3. go on a bikeride 4. pack a couple more boxes from Maia's room 5. Get out some sidewalk chalk.
I'll be tired, but I can always sleep at night. Then Monday, I'm giving some thought to vacation planning. I'll have time to myself. But I'll also have times to give myself away.
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